Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness, Updated 2021 Edition

There are 96 reviews of Conversationally Speaking on Amazon, and 95 of them are positive. They have titles like "Saved my son!," "Excellent book," "Great book," and "The techniques work." Give it a look, it's quite remarkable. Myself, I read the book to work on confidence, and I am much less shy nowadays thanks to the things I learned. There is one review here that is negative, and as luck would have it, it's placed first. It condemns the book as a "pickup book"- I suppose some of us could use some help in that regard so I'm not sure what's so wrong. And it simultaneously "exudes feelings of homophobia" without giving any examples. Two of the most famous psychologists have given endorsements on the cover of this book. Aaron Beck, MD, University Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, wrote, "Conversationally Speaking is of great value for people who want to sharpen their skills in interpersonal relations. I routinely recommend it." And Dr. Albert Ellis, the founder of the Cognitive Therapy school of psychology, who is followed by 4000 psychologists and counselors, calls it on the cover "An exceptionally clear, highly effective book on conversational skills." They say that if there is a heaven, there'll still be some people who will have complaints about it. I think our critic here is such a person.

I ordered this book about 3 months ago and, as recommended in chapter one, I've been reading a chapter at a time, then trying out the suggestions. So far, with very minor changes in my behavior, I've seen very positive results. I think that to say this book is for wallflowers only is superior and misleading. (I don't know anyone who couldn't polish up their social act a bit.) Inwardly I have anxiety relating to people, sometimes mild or moderate, sometimes severe, but outwardly people tell me I seem extremely friendly and at ease. I'm not a mute or stammering wallflower. And I'm finding the suggestions in this book useful and interesting. I noticed that I was tending to monopolize conversations, partially I think as a nervous habit. I wanted to be a better listener. This book shows you how to ask the kind of questions that put people at ease and help them open up and share their most interesting stories. Also tips on body language, how to give compliments without triggering knee-jerk modest responses, and how the talk yourself through moments of self-doubt. All good, basic strategies. I feel secure knowing these techniques are based on statistical evidence and clinical study of how people react and behave. Sometimes the sample dialogue is hockey; you have to dismiss the seemingly 50's style lingo and focus on the technique being illustrated (e.g. follow up a compliment with a related open-ended question). I think this book will help people who want to cultivate warm, comfortable relationships and feel more socially at ease and effective.

I think the two things that can turn people off from this book are: 1. no "flashy" strategies or quick gimmicks 2. cheesy examples If you don't care about either of these, then I think anyone who genuinely wants to improve their conversational skills can benefit from this book. It offers good, honest approaches to conversing and socializing with others. You never find yourself wondering, "is that really going to work in the long run, though...?". Depending on your conversational prowess, you might find some advice to be obvious. I would argue that that's a good sign, if you're already trying to improve your conversational skills. In a lot of cases, I found myself reaffirming some of my own guesses about what makes successful conversation. If it helps, I'm probably somewhere in the average range of the "socially inept" to "socially outgoing and confident" scale, and I earnestly want to get better. This book definitely helps me to do that. About the cheesy examples... they really are kind of painful. Luckily, I think they're this book's only weakness. I highly recommend this book.

The information that you'll learn in this book works. I have only read the first and part of the second chapter and I'm already seeing my social life changing as I'm practicing the techniques that the author is sharing. How could it all be so accessible? Is what I've been thinking for the few days I've been reading this book and practicing the ideas. I should say that most of my life I've dealt with a crippling anxiety as it relates to my relations with other people. It's more intense at some times than at others but it's always present. I would cringe in paralyzing fear at the prospect of starting a conversation with someone or even just saying 'hi, how're you doing' to them made my head spin in pain. I couldn't accept someones invitation to go out, or even hang out on my own turf, because I felt that I just didn't know how to "be." Some would say I had social phobia. But I feel all this changing and this is deep for me. And from that premise I would have to recommend this book to anyone who's reasons for purchasing are similar or less strenuous than mine. It's a great book for anyone who just has that sense that they are not a part and that they view life from a distance and periphery instead of being actively involved in it. I see a lot of improvement in my near future based on using the principles presented in this book. Thank you to the author.

Great read but didn't really help me. If you can't have conversations then this is the book for you. Another note if you have issues with expressing emotion this is not the book for you. Out dated too.

Goes beyond conversation skills and gives you tips and advice that will benefit you in life. A must read book

This book gives detailed instructions and procedure on improving communication skills that can be followed and practiced with ease. I particularly loved the interesting and sometimes humorous examples to which we can easily relate in our life. The author Alan has really put serious efforts to make this book useful and practical without giving too many unnecessary theories, instead you'll find tons of real life examples and solutions within. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants easy-to-follow and step-to-step solutions to improve their daily social skills.

Conversationally Speaking is a clear, highly effective book on conversational skills that includes a very useful section on rational thinking.

I don't normally review books but I feel the need to review this book because it has benefited me. I'm by no mean a social outcast or a timid person. On the contrary, I'm very much a social butterfly. I like to be surrounded by people and I enjoy talking to everyone. But that does not mean there's nothing I can improved on. I'm already familiar with a good portion of this book and don't necessarily agree with everything that is said here. However, there are parts in here that I found very useful. Particularly the active listening part. I know what active listening is but I don't always do it and that is something I realized when I was doing one of the exercises in the book. Asking open ended questions was also useful as well. A few reviewers thought that this book is superficial and for wallflowers. I beg to differ. This book was meant to teach the fundamentals of social interactions. You need to grasp the fundamentals before you can excel at the skills you're trying to improve up on. An analogy for this would be a basketball player trying to improve his foul shot percentage. He has to learn the proper form, take hundreds of shots before he can become good at it. You wont improve your skill just by reading this but you will, by practicing what is written here. Once your form is good, you can branch out and make it your own. I gave it only four stars because I think this book could use a few more exercises and perhaps dwell deeper into humor as an important aspect of social interaction. Still this book is worth the purchase just for the fundamentals alone. I borrowed it from the library first and bought it after to support the author.

Good